Checklist
by RageGoddess
Summary: Jou's got a check list, let's see just how well Kaiba measures up.


The sun was still low, hovering just above the Domino City skyline as teenagers from across the city passed through the gates and onto the lawns of Domino City High School. Yugi Motuo inhaled the fresh morning air and smiled to himself, beside him chatting cheerfully away was his long time friend and crush Anzu Mazaki was animatedly chatting.

"Yugi! Hey Yugi are you okay in there?" she asked as a look of concern passed over her face.

"Ah, n-no I mean yes! I mean… I'm fine Anzu," Yugi stammered and blushed. Currently he was on cloud nine; he had been able to walk with Anzu to school alone. Due to some chance of fate, or as Yugi would claim stroke of luck his two friends Hiroto Honda, and Jonouchi Katsuya had other plans for that specific morning, meaning that not only did he get to walk to school with his long time crush he got to walk with her alone, a-l-o-n-e! His thoughts turned to the possibilities this could create, maybe one day soon they could eat lunch alone together, they could progress to hanging out after school, then his mind took a rather sudden but not unwelcome turn to some of the other things that they could do alone together. Much to his dismay Yugi found that his train of thought suddenly being interrupted by a loud voice.

"Oi! Yugi, Anzu wait up!" The two turned to see Honda barreling towards them, "Woah Yug, your face is red! Has Anzu here been putting the moves on you? Girls these days, no modesty at-" WHACK! "Owww, hey now, what was that for?" Honda muttered as he rubbed the area of his head with which Anzu's school bag had made contact only seconds before.

"Don't listen to him and his stupid boy brain Yugi!" Anzu huffed as she tried to hold down the blush that was quickly creeping up her own cheeks. Yugi smiled to himself as two of his best friend's argument grew more heated as they approached the intimidating gates to the school grounds.

"If boy brains are so stupid why do you keep on chasing after them like a little love sick school girl?"

"News flash, I am a school girl! Besides I do not chase, it's you boys who are always chasing after us girls."

"Ha! No guy with even half a brain would chase after a Harpy like you!"

"I doubt that if you took every guy in this entire school the total amount of brain would equal less than nothing!"

"Sorry to burst you bubble Anzu, but that's not even possi-"

"Speaking of stupid boy brains..."

"Huh?"

"Oh wow, Jou's gonna be on time today."

"Wha?-Humph!" Honda found himself suddenly cut off by the pressure of Jou's arm wrapped around his neck in a friendly headlock.

"Hey guys!"

"Hey Jou."

"Good morning Jounouchi."

"Aww hey! Get off of me you jerk!"

"Aww poor Honda's grumpy 'cause Miho wouldn't walk with you to school today?"

"N-no that's not it at all!"

Jou laughed heartily before releasing Honda from the headlock. "Oh hey, that reminds me I have something awesome to show you guys."

"Ya well what is it?" Asked Honda grumpily as he rubbed his now sore neck.

"Well if you're going to be like that maybe I won't show you after all."

"Come on now Jonouchi, you can't leave us hanging like that!"

"Anzu's right Jou!"

"Well… alright then, since you insist," with this statement Jou frantically began digging through his pockets, first his jacket pockets, next back pant pockets, front pant pockets. After many minutes of searching he had finally pulled something out of his left sneaker.

"Voila!" in his outstretched arm Jou proudly held a slightly crumpled and smudged paper.

"Hmm?" Yugi gazed at the paper with mild curiosity, "What is it Jou?"

"Well you see," Jou began putting on his best serious face, "this fantastic little piece o' paper here is the answer to a question that the world's best and brightest has been pondering for years!"

Honda skeptical of his best friend's discovery asked, "And what question might that have been?"

Unable to keep in the excitement any longer Jou's face broke out into a broad grin, "Why the question of what crawled up Kaiba's ass and died. You see it's not his fault, he was born like that!"

Seeing that this conversation was going nowhere fast Anzu tore the paper from Jou's outstretched arm, "Hare's Psycopathy Checklist?" she read out loud.

"Yup that's it" he said as he reached his arm over Anzu's shoulder so he could point at the bulleted list on the page, "See read here, these are characteristics that are used to identify psychopaths, it explains everything! Look item one, grandiose (exaggeratedly high) estimation of self, cunning and manipulativeness…"

"I don't know about this Jou," interrupted Yugi, peering over the sheet "Pathological lying and early behavioural problems don't really scream Seto Kaiba."

"Come on death-T, don't you guys remember death-T? that was an early behavioral problem. You see it don't you Honda?" Jonouchi looked over to his friend with pleading eyes.

"Sorry Dude, but I have to agree on Yugi with this one," Honda shook his head and took the paper for a better look, "Sexual promiscuity don't really suit the jerk, asexual maybe…."

Jou's eye's then turned to Anzu desperately searching for some, any form of assistance.

"I'm sorry Jou," She sighed, "But they're right you know, I really doubt that Kaiba has had all that many 'short term marital relationships'."

Jou moaned, "come on guys give me some slack here, look here" he grabbed that paper from Honda's fingers, "it even says callousness and lack of empathy, superficial emotional responsiveness, glib and superficial charm Kaiba's got tonnes of that! He fits the bill! A tried and true psychopath!"

"That's quite amusing considering that…" came a cold voice from behind. A chill ran down Jou's spine, he knew that voice and knew that this would probably not end well, for him any way. He slowly turned to see that his fears were correct, standing before him was none other than the very subject of their conversation, Seto Kaiba.

Taking a step so that she was separating the now very tense blond and their sudden intruder she ventured "considering what?"

"Well..." Seto chuckled as he began to circle the group taking slow deliberate steps "considering that this Jonouchi here possesses many of the characteristics listed here I'd say that his earlier statements would be to put it in layman's terms, the pot calling the kettle black." As he spoke Kaiba had maneuvered himself so that Anzu was no longer was acting as a barrier between himself and the subject of his wrath.

"What do you think you're talkin' 'bout Kaiba?" Growled Jou, poking fun at Kaiba with the gang was fun, heck the heated yelling matches they often engaged in were on occasion enjoyable, but if this was going to be a battle of the wits Jou to be honest did not think he could win.

By this point Seto has gotten quite close to Jou, far to close for Jonouchi's comfort. A small smirk had managed to find a way onto his face and he took a step closer, "Well mongrel you may notice that other characteristics of psychopaths do include; impulsivity, irresponsibility." Like the steps he was taking each word was slow and deliberate, and with every work he spoke Seto moved closer, with every step he took the smirk on his face grew just a bit. Neither of these factors made Jou feel very confident about his current predicament, his uncomfortable shifting made this more than evident.

"Poor behavioural controls…" Seto listed, the smirk grew and the distance between the two young men lessened. Jou was hit with a sudden wave of regret, maybe he should not have brought this up at school, the game shop would have been a better place there was no Seto Kaiba there. Or maybe he should have just never had brought it up at all, it might not be as much fun in the long run but right now it was seeming like a very good idea, a much safer one as well.

"A lack of long term realistic goals…" Seto slowly continued. Jou noticed that he still held the paper; Kaiba was listing this all from memory. He gulped; this would not end well for him. Jou could see the outcome now; he would not escape with his pride intact.

"Criminal versatility…" Jou swore Kaiba's eyes were sparkling with a twisted sense of enjoyment. The smirk grew, if Jou didn't know better he would have mistaken it for a smile. A step forward, now only a few feet separated the two. The tension in the air could have been cut with a knife.

"A parasitic lifestyle…" Jou felt a rush of anger, who was Kaiba to call him a parasite! Jonouchi Katsuya accepted charity from _nobody_ and would not just stand by while he was called a parasite! Jou was about to open his mouth to protest, that was until he realized that Seto was much closed than he had thought, Jou could practically feel the breath of the taller teen on his face. Scratch that, he _could_ feel Kaiba's breath, Jou felt his face go red as a result to the proximity of the two. He tried to shuffle back to gain some distance, but for every retreating step he took Seto advanced one. The problem with this Katsuya quickly realized was that Seto had longer legs, and there for longer strides and was now even closer then before. Seto leaned in, his mouth quite close to Jou's ear.

"The inability to accept responsibility of one's own actions." By this point the words coming out of Seto's mouth weren't being spoken as much as they were purred.

He received a snarl in return. Jou knew that Kaiba didn't usually go so far out of his way to belittle him; it was usually done in the form of quick, harsh and stinging comebacks. Ones that Jou could rarely come up with a witty response to. But this time Kaiba really had it in for him, and Jonouchi had decided that he wasn't going to take it. Jou clenched his hand into a fist, at this close range a punch to the gut would take even Kaiba down.

"…an so mutt, I believe it is _you _who in fact possesses at the least seven of these so called qualities." With his final point being said Kaiba turned on his heel and swiftly made his way towards the front entrance of Domino High, leaving Jou stunned with his fist still clenched standing on the school grounds.

Realizing that Kaiba had once again gotten the last word again Jou quickly shook himself out of his stupor; he wouldn't let Kaiba get in the last word not this time.

"Hey!" Jou angrily shouted at Kaiba's retreating back. When Seto slowed he continued haughtily, "Well Mr. Smart Ass I guess that makes us two halves of a whole psychopath now doesn't it."

Seto paused for a moment, before turning to look over his shoulder, "Hn, I guess it does."

It was a this point that the three spectators saw what just might have been a glimpse of a smile flicker of the features of the teenage CEO as he resumed climbing the steps and entered the building.

"That…damn…ARRRG! Damn rich Bastard!"

Honda shook his head, "When is he ever gonna learn, Kaiba_ always_ gets the last word."

"Will those two ever give it a rest?" Sighed Anzu

"Probably not," Yugi smiled.

"Definitely not they're wired that way; they'll be at each others throats till the end of time."

Yugi looked up at Honda, "Are you sure? It'd sure be nice if they learned to get along."

"Sorry Yuug," Honda shook his head, "But when Jou decided he hates somebody he sticks with it, it's really quite scary when you think about it."

Anzu considered what her friend had just said and smiled mischievously.

"Hey Anzu, what are you thinking about?"

"Hmm, well Yugi, I just can't wait 'till Jou realizes that he called Kaiba charming"

Authors Notes:

Hare's psycopothy checklist is a real checklist. I is a diagnostic tool in the PCL-R used to measure or rate a persons antisocial or psychopathic tendencies.I pulled the characteristics from my forensic psychology text, but I may have missed one or two of them, for this reason and because there may be those who are interested in and want more information this here is a pretty decent site to check out ( just remember to remove the spaces). http: / / www . minddisorders . com / Flu – Inv / Hare – Psychopathy – Checklist . html # ixzz0XYyzPGR8


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